PASSION UPON THE GRACE OF GROWING

Something on the vivacity upon what was seen as a mystery of the unknown silhouette that was giving living joy by forms of physical poetry wherever the infancy of him kept his dream alive among people. The spinning moments had a squeeze for long while these events were kept on the conscious of the individuals in exact memory change of seen it coming like petals who give colored doubts down where the little thirst of fun exercised the peace shipping. The dream was a little star who wondered about you and me to have a doorway to adventure as long as the boy´s mind could stand and deliver at the time of his life.

Nelson Hold started to travel at a very young age, when he was 2 years old, his parents abandoned him in the North of Portugal, due to social needs that no reeds that the little Nelson played could shed his trauma from the side of the grand-parents road where he lived and they kept him well but he was always looking for the white car of his father and they were never coming…

Nelson plagued from frustration trough frustration, he had older friends who taught him the regional slang to curse things and save the day. At this time Nelson´s paternal grandmother died, it was 1976. She lived in the region of anti-fascist writer Aquilino Ribeiro who was expelled from the direction of the Portuguese National Library for possessing explosives for a possible attempt to the dictator Salazar; the attempt was made by Emídio Santana but failed to destroy the friend of Hitler, Franco, Mussolini, and Stalin. The boy remembers to enter in the road 505 following the Mercedes-Benz Ambulance now in the tragic reunion with his father. Nelson remembers the talking with the priest and the mother and aunt who saw the rigor mortis of his great-grandmother. Every one returned home, Nelson was going to Lisbon on the road A1 to the rented apartment where he used to observe his father studying French to ease his sorrow. He was seating reading loud in French, he completed the Alliançe Française studies, and then Nelson´s father entered in a National Bank while the mother worked as a public functionary and little Nelson stayed in the kinder garden till the age of 6. At Kinder Garden Joanne had something as heat sticking on Nelson´s lips and she was part of the hitchhiking around both bodies scattered for Nelson´s joy ride preparation into love.

In the Portuguese Colonial War, Nelson´s Hold father had at his command 20 men, once a in a patrol their jeep passed by a mine and the explosion threw the soldiers into the air; he came after 4 years in the war with post traumatic stress. The Vietnam War was going on and this war was forgotten in the world, only the Portuguese families knew in pain while the rich people who later become Presidents escaped into Paris, like Mário Soares who now regrets the independence of the African Portuguese colonies, he who proclaimed their will to self determination.

The Portuguese Revolution was in April the 25th of 1974 after 40 years of dictatorship.

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The Communists stole a small fortune from Nelson´s Hold father as well as millions of other families were stolen and for a lifetime he hated them as hypocrites were they in the fake equality for all. They have studied so ´well´ the French experience.

In the important places at the region where Nelson´s parents came from, he experienced no more dismay, it grew a strong mirror to the childhood as a poetical feelings into the land and with the humble peasants that respected the family like a sieve who separates some sudden sorrow from their lives by aspiring a good sense of holding life as they were growing either on the frequency of recognizing a new country.

Nelson was involved on his first year on the Elementary School which was a hard test to his sensibility that he passed with great merit; being the best student and athlete for 6 years that he spent there.

The summer holidays were a balsam for him, he could meet the sons and daughters of the peasants and play for endless hours or to climb into the mountains, trees, explore the woods and devote time to think for long periods of time, till his father noticed his absence; he was thinking lying over a Cherry tree. And it was a memorable taste of poetical freedom for Nelson´s pure feelings into life.

One day his Great Uncle flaunts so hard for Nelson to have some wine and he drank but spit it out immediately because it tasted so terrible and he never liked alcohol anymore. Once he was collecting walnuts, the hazel and her leafs were brown, in a sudden he saw a snake´s eye with brown skin and run as fast as he could; he called his father to go and see the snake, Nelson´s father went with him to the nut-tree but the snake was long gone. He learned how to ride a bicycle with two older girls who served Nelson´s great-grandmother, they trained on the little road from the yellow house into the red gate, the girls pushed the boy and one day he could make it by himself.

Little Nelson, begins to develop his thinking among the land contemplation on the woods and on the road by a quiet mature way of being for his age. He thought that if in the future he had no relations with humans, he would like to travel into the infinite. He was a shy little boy but with mighty aspirations upon the Universe and he met his second girlfriend at the Elementary School and they kissed lying down on the school´s floor and both mouths were in delight. Nelson was already being involved with girls. He and his mates used to lift the girls skirts to see their underwear and it was so funny for them while the girls were pointing the boy’s sexual will as premature but they felt it like natural and obvious. Mainly Nelson´s would like to know their heart and soul, like a dream, naked and clean.

There was in the mid 70´s plenty of news in every sector of the Portuguese society and to feel like a soldier was the boy´s look, later on the course of the facts that bothered him, mainly his strong sense of justice into social problems as he began his life by experiencing difficult

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situations and from him an extension into the world of others as a human solidarity convoy of the good.

A Sunday ride with Nelson´s mother to the Park was his most pleasant time, they were going by bus with enough energy to the journey and the playful time with sensible eyes of the mother, while little Nelson played alone like he liked too.

There was a sense of fighting with the difficult life he could observe in his mother after the split with Nelson´s father, with their legal divorce. He fought in his mind, the thinking posture as contemplation of what he was supposed to be and he kept going and he fell aside into the eyes of a tall poor blind and humble man whom Nelson gave him a coin every time he met him.

The imaginary world of little Nelson was made of tender surprises coming from his mind by a sweet delight being caught from what was his vocation to feel and think alone but he never felt lonely. It was a concrete fuel for his future years while he lived his early days of growing in Lisbon and never forgot the land with a certain melancholy, because he felt like belonging there. His Maternal Grand Father died and the boy´s mother suffered deeply, she dressed in black for many years, like tradition preaches, later Nelson started to dress in black but now he was going to travel around the Atlantic and Mediterranean Portuguese coast with his cousins, his aunt, uncle and mother to reflect during the lute of the main figure of the maternal family.

Nelson´s heart was around the meanders of knowing about the best gain which could ship people´s replacement of what was lost across a lifetime; he attended with patience who he met with calm sympathy, then he walked around with an inclined head and hands crossed on the back of his spine, like the boy´s father used to act like at times of reflection. He thought for hours, thinking that thoughts would be his world and he would always be tuned to them. If one day the world would kick him, he would return home to rest in his mind while the body was sustained by spontaneous ways of dismantling the outcome of feeble external views with social anxiolytics like books, cinema, television, radio, computers and newspapers, so he thought. And to think was his best engine into adventure, in all winters and summers across the autumn and spring like a little petal in the trenches who never failed to make history with his farewell to the free born poets in the world because all of them were easy and free, like thirst for a souvenir sense of having always something to say, like heat coming from an unknown silence and the psyche would be a candy in the tongue of every little boy and girl in taste as they are warm in the bright real vigilance of turning around the adults stress by a voice of innocence in which Nelson was now in poetical passion.

Nelson had the silent behaving laying in his thin agil vulture under the circumstances of saving the strange conducts of others, not totally strange but little dressed voices with lack of intelligence, so he thought by instinct not to answer to the public domain unless it would be necessary. His moving had the effect of a real spirit coming from a predicted epic journey, still on his mind as presence into the understanding where he could fit as a human in respect. He had

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a different frequency although his solemn thinking, reflect his stimulus that he caught from the oppression from the strange frequencies and all his mind was fighting to find at this distance the best answer to end up in a long relief, still he was just beginning to know humans.

When he knew humans and the out space, he wrote:

The language of the cosmos should be understood as a specific vivid source of fascinating forms of motions which lie on the punctual flowing of the thermodynamic margins of what exists in the Universe as energy. To reflect and go ahead step by step with the information transmitted under the heritage of looking for the mighty origin of what was found in long remarks of the mind as life processes related to the way where the factual truths are going in the tremendous nucleus of human consciousness. Inside consciousness as she is observed with great activity as a frank outcome of the senses in action which are driving attitudes from the living organized forms produced by humans; mainly they are a birth from a union between the standing points of following gregarious instincts and the best realm of possessing the wealthy goods for many life´s moments in which we feel this as a natural language. The cosmos has a similar relation in this dialog and it is presented with an intense activity where the driving energy is moving with an organization of physical forms which exists with the same sense and that is equilibrium.

We can experience a fall down from a small rubber beach boat, we experience a difference of temperature, the body cries out rational or spontaneous ways of answering attitudes and the person is elapsing energy, extremely attached to the water in this case, which has her own vivid source of energy. The state of this event and all the living energies that interact between them, presents the life´s operational characteristics of understanding all differences of energy as an entire conscious with cosmic sense. The differences are kept in chase as a major motion by recognizing in its purest state, the cosmic quintessence of consciousness.

As ally of the outcome of the personal verve towards the life signs, concerns the acquiring importance of respect at the time of any relation; particles and atoms, sun and air, body and mind, heat and humidity, devote a natural way to inspire the best approach, if we think in the attraction and movement between elements and all life forms. Relations should be seen as work in any single difference that holds existence with the rational realm of harmony, its every one´s desire. Regularly some aspects come with tension and the related relaxation execution from it and it´s a unity to be attended, if we think in humans; nature has a more prolific system to attend pacts of self preservation. From what is known, the cosmos has a mighty endless energy that goes in every direction and is a distinct organization with no authority like humans that have the need into it with sadism tendencies.

The sense of going, proclaims all petals in the trenches where we can remind inside the perfumed view of contemplation, the informal approach to embrace the unpacked directions and to hold them as part of resistant patience trough all silent decisions that matter the consequent journey choices and their treasures that should be kept in the memory of the rolling body across the

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notifications of the mind. The union serves determination, we can decide alone, still we are a part of the whole design, because there is no natural law of how humans should live but how they should avoid death by feelings of great tension; in those times, the little secret place inside us can pull our inner voice into the recovering of the temperature of the human energy by turning her as affirmation of life, that is to accept and to understand every outcome of tension in our conscious by discharging the tensions with a systematical healing prevention method, performing the liberating meeting and then the margins of this kind of energy fluently floats. It’s a natural system. Systems ship a large vivacity when they had the proof of being capable to refine their ideas by taking part with the frequency of time upon their applications into the future gains of naturalism.

Nelson attended some form to defend his ideas among all attacks by the outcome of Portuguese ignorance that later led the Nelson´s adult man in a complete social isolation. His first life stage was completely independent, but he met humans, he was now trying to go back to his own dominions with sorrow and delight for what he had found.

He started to be interested in writing in his early years of high school and after reading Wilhelm Reich that he had found in downtown of Lisbon, he wrote:

There is no gaze in the heart, the heart looks from its best to address its heat as he would be undressed chasing a sexual intercourse by a natural feeling of let one and the other go in mutual longing pleasure. The other way of replying to the passion of maintain the frank heart, is to support by achieving good levels of knowledge in people which by external situations couldn´t find time to observe the faculties of the tender heart in cloudy days and so to make their lives without oppression and in between these facts, there was use of energy which had worked to touch the intimate and the hard life paths. It’s up to the expression of feelings to build a healthy melodic naturalism, so the civilization can lay well on the terrestrial conversations with great sidereal time prolonged into the good and sincere knowing of how to deliver feelings as the topic subject and not for profit as energy to optimize because it’s not natural.

Nelson lost his virginity in a little shack of the Annual Lisbon Book Fair like a birth of a mystery union.

People are afraid completely of being in silence, to be alone, to drink or eat alone; Nelson dreamed that he was in a white brown valley thinking and when he finds himself satisfied got up and look into other man thinking and asked him: ‘ how are you?’, the man said: ‘ why people are afraid to be alone?’ He went away with respect, because few people in real life knew Nelson or respect him as an young independent thinker that had no fear to be alone in silence but would always guide people for self freedom and to open the bottles of smoke, the peace of being like unique, like him and the others in their emotional plague on the attacks which Nelson would accept or saw theme in defense from deep wounds of a life time. There are no miracles, no gods,